You Know Not What You Have Done

I’ve had this one scene in my head for a while now it’s been itching to be written out. So…I did. And then I uploaded it cause…why not! (eee!). 

I’ve wanted to upload some writing for a while but I’ve not been able to pluck up the courage until now!

Bit of context: Taken from my longer story (WIP, as in, emphasis on the progress aha) about Auryyn discovering her parents were SIS Agents and everything that unravels as a result.

No spoiler warnings or anything 🙂

***

“Did you know?”

Theron Shan cautiously observed Auryyn as she approached him slowly, her arms folded. Her brow was furrowed, her deep brown eyes looked more intense than usual and her lips formed a single straight line. She watched the Agent’s face carefully but he gave nothing away, he didn’t even seem to blink or breathe for a few moments. Eventually, he faltered slightly and his face twitched as though about to speak. When he didn’t, Auryyn met his gaze and held it there.

“Did you know?” she pressed again, more slowly and insistent this time.

The emotion in her words was palpable and Theron noted the slight tremors in her voice. Another moment of oppressive silence passed between them before Theron sighed and looked away.

“I…,” he hesitated and then swallowed, “They told me that when they found your parents’ bodies your brother’s wasn’t among them, but I swear to you, I didn’t know anything past that,” he implored, meeting her eyes once again.

“You knew that much, and you didn’t tell me?” Auryyn replied, her voice raised.

Theron winced, not at the anger in her tone but at the disbelief and disappointment behind her words. He could see that she was hurt; he felt guilt bubbling up inside him and he forced himself to quell it.

She shook her head and unfolded her arms.

“Why Theron? I thought we were friends!” she snapped.

“I did it because we’re friends, Auryyn. I was-,”

“Don’t you dare say you were protecting me!” the Jedi screamed, her eyes fierce. The atmosphere in the room seemed to ripple at her outburst and the temperature seemed to plummet.

She turned on her heel and stormed a few paces away before rounding on Theron, who’s hand twitched nervously as a shiver slipped down his spine.

“All this time my brother has been alive and in the hands of the enemy, and the SIS did nothing. My parents gave their life to the SIS,”

“I’m not debating that the SIS handled this badly, but I wanted to wait until I had solid intel on your brother’s whereabouts before telling you anything,” Theron retorted, frowning.

His hazel eyes followed Auryyn as she paced, gazing up at the ceiling as if they would yield some form of comfort or an answer she sought.

“But you lied to me. You told me you didn’t know anything. And the whole time…the whole time,” she groaned, burying her face in her hands.

She took deep breaths to calm her thoughts and repeated the first line of the Jedi code over and over in her mind. There is no emotion, there is peace. After a few moments, she folded her arms again and turned to approach Theron. He didn’t move as she crossed the room to him although he found her sudden calmness unnerving. Seeing her like this reminded Theron just how powerful she was and just for a moment, he got a slight taste of what it would be like to be on the wrong side of her.

“I have never tried to sense whether you were lying to me or not, Theron,” Auryyn stated. Her eyes shone in the light and Theron felt his stomach knot uncomfortably as he realised it was because there were tears there. She inhaled shakily and offered him a weak, sad smile.

“Because I trusted you not to,” she said with a small shrug.

“Auryyn-,”

She held up her hand and he stopped.

“You’re an Agent. Keeping secrets and lying is what you do. I should understand that. But I am a Jedi, and Jedi don’t have friends,” she continued.

Theron’s eyes widened and he threw his hands up.

“That’s ridiculous, Auryyn. Even you don’t believe that!” he said, shaking his head at her.

She did not falter.

“I know. But you chose to be an Agent over being a friend when you chose to lie to me,” she said, her voice strained. She swallowed and looked away. Theron felt physically sick – deep down, he knew she was right. He had lied, and convinced himself he had been doing the right thing at the time. He couldn’t even find the words to express how sorry he felt, or to offer any semblance of comfort to his friend.

“I think I understand why the code forbids attachment even to friends now. Now please…just go,” Auryyn said, pointing to the door without even looking at it.

Theron moved as if he were about to speak, thought better of it, and then turned on his heel and stormed out. Once Auryyn heard the door close behind him, she wandered over to the large window and looked out at the star filled sky. She reached into a pocket on her belt and pulled out a battered Corellian speeder model which she examined and then closed her hand around tightly.

“I’m coming, August,” she whispered.

***

 

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